Bullying is an offensive, abusive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, or abuse of power conducted by an individual or group against others, making the recipient feel upset, threatened, humiliated or vulnerable, undermining their self-confidence and causing them stress. Bullying is behaviour that is generally persistent, systematic and ongoing.
Where Are People Bullied?
At work by their manager, supervisor, colleagues, subordinates, clients, customers or members of the public.
At home by partner, parents, children or neighbours.
At school by managers, teachers, pupils or parents.
In the care of others such as hospitals, nursing homes, residential centres etc. by managers, doctors, care staff, fellow patients, visitors etc.
By those in authority, civil and public servants, gardai, prison service etc.
By neighbours and landlords.
By strangers.
How Is A Bully Recognised?
Most bullying is traceable to one person, male or female. Bullying is not a gender issue.
Characteristics Of A Bully
Jekyll and Hyde nature, vicious and vindictive in private but innocent and charming in front of witnesses. Only the victim can see both sides of the bully.
Is a convincing, compulsive liar and when called to account will make up a spontaneous story or excuse to cover his/her tracks.
Uses lots of charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers or superiors are present.
Excels at deception.
Exhibits much controlling behaviour and is often a control freak.
Displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refuses to acknowledge praise or value others.
When asked to address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression.
Often portrays him/herself as a kind and caring person in total contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others, the bully is oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and even believes they are seen and how they are actually seen.
Cannot distinguish between sound leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, trust and integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, distrust and deceitfulness)
The bully is often aggressive, devious, manipulative, spiteful, vengeful, doesn’t listen, cannot sustain mature adult conversation, lacks a conscience, shows no remorse, is drawn to power, emotionally cold, humourless, joyless, ungrateful, dysfunctional, disruptive, divisive, rigid and inflexible, selfish, insincere, insecure, immature and deeply inadequate especially in interpersonal skills.
The bully can be described as a sociopath, a violent aggressive but intelligent individual who expresses their violence psychologically rather than physically.
Negative Consequences Of Bullying
Bullying damages the health of the victim, causes high levels of stress and anxiety, sleeplessness, fear, poor concentration, poor self-confidence, contributory factor to suicides.
Options For Victims
Bullying is often very difficult to prove, it usually takes place behind closed doors with no witnesses and little evidence. Bullies are also compulsive and convincing liars.
John Lonergan advises, “If the bullying continues despite your best efforts to deal with it then you will have to make the ultimate decision, e.g. (i) do I just accept it, (ii) do I resort to a legal remedy, (iii) do I leave the home, (v) do I seek a barring order. The final choice is yours and only you know what’s best for you.”
http://www.rte.ie/tv/openhouse/2004/0115/JohLon.html